A Relational Lab

"As a writer, a failure is just information... You have to pay very close attention to it, rather than get depressed or unnerved or feel ashamed. It's as though you're in a laboratory and you're working on an experiment with chemicals or with rats, and it doesn't work. It doesn't mix. You don't throw up your hands and run out of the lab. What you do is you identify the procedure and what went wrong and then correct it. If you think of [writing] simply as information, you can get closer to success."

–Toni Morrison, 2014 interview with NEA Arts Magazine

Toni Morrison's wisdom is a powerful antidote to the shame of a setback. When she says "a failure is just information," she’s speaking directly to writers, but her insight is a universal tool for a more resilient and joyful life. If we stop seeing a misstep as a personal failing and start viewing it as a clue, we unlock a different kind of success—not just in art, but in relationships and recreation, too.

Morrison’s laboratory metaphor is key. When a chemist’s experiment doesn’t work, they don’t despair; they analyze the data. They look at what went wrong and use that information to refine their approach. This mindset is profoundly liberating for our personal lives.

Think about relationships. A heated argument or a moment of miscommunication isn't a sign that things are doomed. Instead, it's information. It reveals something about our communication styles, our triggers, or a partner’s unspoken needs. That data allows us to identify the "procedure" that went wrong and correct it. We learn when to listen more, when to choose our words differently, or when to give each other space.

The same applies to our hobbies. The golf swing that slices into the woods isn’t a reason to quit; it’s a lesson. The tennis serve that lands in the net, the pottery project that collapses, the new recipe that's a disaster—all of these are just data points. They tell you your grip was off, your clay was too wet, or your seasoning was heavy-handed. They are clues for your next attempt, not evidence of your incompetence.

By reframing these moments as information, we remove the paralyzing fear of failure. We can approach life with the curiosity of a scientist, ready to experiment, learn, and grow. This perspective makes every setback a step forward, turning the emotional roller coaster of life into a sustainable journey toward becoming better, happier, and more successful versions of ourselves.